Why this? Why now?
Well, there’s COVID. And all kinds of other reasons, of course, having to do with the benefits of mindfulness (more on that in future blog posts). But it was COVID that opened the door a little wider. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling more scattered lately. More irritable.
I wonder if there’s a cumulative effect to the micro-adjustments we’re all making on a daily basis. Is it catastrophic to pull my sleeve over my hand every time I touch a door handle? No. But add to that the glasses fogging up, wondering if my kids can pet a stranger’s dog, moving through that awkward moment when you’d usually shake hands or hug…
There’s only so long a person can live with the low-lying buzz of pandemic in the background before it starts to gnaw away at the edges of stability and sanity. And it seems that the coping mechanisms we rely on suddenly don’t work as well. I can’t just run into The Milky Way and get a cone with butter pecan.
For me, at least, that’s pulled back the curtain on the illusion that my happiness and well-being are sturdy and self-grown. I mean, I’ve been practicing mindfulness for 25 years now. Shouldn’t I have this figured out? Shouldn’t I be some sort of guru who shifts gracefully into the new reality, lighting the way for those around me?
Turns out, I depend a lot on life’s usual distractions -- whether that’s playing cards with friends or booking a mid-winter flight -- to sustain my well-being. But now here I am, exposed in all my gnarliness, and forced to confront it. And I’m grateful for that, at least -- that I can dive deeper into my practice and confront a sort of suffering that I haven’t had to see before.
In the end, that’s the great thing about a mindfulness practice. It grows with you. It has to. And if it’s not growing, maybe you’re not in a situation that allows it to grow. If nothing else, COVID gives that to us.
So let’s do this together. This blog, and this Facebook group, are ways for us to band together and create something new out of this situation. To grow into it. To confront the scars that have formed quietly on our body and in our souls.
To challenge us to be more humble, less attached, kinder to ourselves and to others. Just yesterday, I honked at someone trying to invade my lane on the
freeway. Then I realized his lane was ending and he just needed to move over. My bad. I chalked it up to Corona-fatigue. Which is sort of true. But it was also an unfortunate impatience that had built up in me over the course of the day for various reasons. Did I fail in that moment? Yes. Will I fail again? Yes, but I’ll also be more aware of how impatience grows in me during these times, and maybe able to avoid acting from anger.
Developing a mindfulness practice has allowed me to do that. To notice my emotions, notice patterns, reflect on them, and grow (hopefully). I’m no monk. I’m a teacher and administrator who has strengths and flaws, who wants to help kids grow into themselves, and who wants to keep growing with them.
Some students recently asked me if I could lead a weekly mindfulness practice for them while we’re remote. I’ve been surprised at how deep we’ve been able to go in spite of the screens. It turns out that those meetings have offered us a stable, consistent place away from the constant “pivots” and rampant uncertainty. They allow us, in other words, to settle into this unsettling moment.
Why this? Why now?
Because we need it more than ever.
PRACTICE
So here’s a short practice you can do to remind yourself that you are not actually your irritation, or your impatience, or your anger. I call it a 3-2-1 practice.
First, move your attention to your breath for 3 cycles, noticing the breath moving in and out of your body. You don’t need to force yourself to calm down or relax. You’re just letting yourself live in that emotion, and as you’re doing it, noticing your breathing. Intentional breathing does all kinds of things to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which helps your body relax.
Then identify 2 places in your body that you feel that emotion. Tight chest? Fluttery stomach? Teeth grinding? Shortness of breath? Clammy palms? Clenched fist? It’s different for every person and every emotion. The point is you’re just anchoring in your body. The amazing thing about your body is that it can’t be in the past, and it can’t be in the future. Frustration and anxiety -- they LOVE the past and the future. So you’re moving into your body now.
Finally, identify the 1 way you’d like to respond to the situation. We all have the wisdom to know the right thing to do; it’s just that we get so caught up in the angst that we can’t think clearly or act wisely. So what’s 1 thing that would provide a positive way forward? (And no, it can’t be sticking your nemesis’s hands in honey and then setting them free in a field of bears.)
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